epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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