Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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