So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
