i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
