I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
