I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
