the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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