I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
