hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
