I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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