I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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