after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
