he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
