Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize