i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
