"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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