Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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