nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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