Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
