yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
