You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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