I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
