ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
