i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
