does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
