If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
