time to smoke my breakfast
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
