At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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