I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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