So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
