I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
