So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
