it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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