I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
