why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
