I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
