Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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