U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
