My hand turned me down
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
