he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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