My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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