When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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