The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
