I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
