so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
