he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
