remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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