woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
