I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
