I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
