I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
