i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
