Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
