and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
