So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
