Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
