Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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