Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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