oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
