Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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