Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
