I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
