he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
