Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
