What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
